| summer is almost here. and freedom is all that matters.
among other things too i guess.
hmmm... i miss you.
but a smile a day is worth an hour of sleep. |
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| leave the damn girl alone
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| i'm hovering. but i feel like i'm wandering too. it's pleasant. it's clear in some respects.
but. hmmm....
i dunno.
i hope i'm not one of those people that... i dunno.
hello. hi.
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| now i am reaching for pen and paper to materialize words and ideas and hopes and dreams and everything everything everything and i will pound away into the hours of the night, the days of the year in order to... i don't know. it just has to happen. i just have to... no i don't. i don't know why yet. but it doesn't even matter. rationalization, justification, reason can happen later. it can develop. it can grow. it can change. somethings can't. i wonder if these moments can. yes, they can--well how one feels about them can. anyway. whatever. point being. i have to find pen and paper and time. yes, that eternally frustrating t-word. time.
let's hit the ground running. |
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| i miss you. i sincerely hope you are ok, that you're breathing, still alive, dreaming, carousing, laughing, smiling, listening, reading,...., living
i'll put up with the worry, the concerns, the crazy ideas my mind rages through. i'll think, believe, cry, remember, smile, laugh, be preoccupied with you porque estoy preocupando. i will endure the ache, the chill in my bones, the emptiness in these veins, the dramaticness in these thoughts. i will choke down that mounting motive to cry, that feeling of a leaden balloon in my throat.
i hope this isn't karma. i hope this isn't punishment. i hope that you are ultimately ok and alive.
i hope i didn't make this manifest. i hope i didn't do something wrong. i hope... for so many things. i hope that you are alright. i hope that i see you alive and well soon.
the sound of your voice would alleviate this restlessness in my mind, this anxiousness in my head and chest. it would break this iron cast around my heart. it would stop my feet from running up and down and ricocheting and backflipping from the sides, top, bottom, and diagnols of my skull. but i won't be mad if you don't call--just worried and hoping for the best for you. please understand. you've been away for so long... physically i haven't seen you in months. mentally i've seen you every day. you are not my crutch. you are not my obsession. you are not my substance to abuse or my addiction or my whatever synonym is appropriate.
you are my friend. and yeah... let's keep it going, shall we? |
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